Ever wake up and feel like everything that you really enjoyed doing, even the drab day to day things, have fallen through and are no longer of any remote interest?

This week, I have a few hours to kill before I go to class at 9:45 every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I wake up usually around 6:30 because my internal clock has a screaming alarm that shakes me awake and walks me drowsy to my computer to try and wake up while Jason putz around and complains about God-knows-what-else. For a few months-this routine equated happiness to me. Waking up early and not wasting my mornings like the quitisential college student who sleeps in hung overly until 1 in the afternoon, I walk outside before most people raise their head off the pillow.

This week, as I said, I wake up early, without any gusto. Call it a funk? I don't know. No really...I don't know why the hell I feel this way. I cannot think of any reason why I feel so damn sad. It is sadness...right? I'm used to the feelings that I deal with now; being broke (Hi I'm Dave and I make $8 an hour but bust my ass, so I guess I'm proud err...) being overweight, being lonely.

Maybe it's somehow came to my attention that I am not living a life that I had wanted to formulate for myself. I am 23, yet is this what being "young" is formed to be? I find my time to escape driving and in class listening and living vicariously through the stories I hear of other people talk about how carefree they seem to be and the less-than-my-own worries they seem to share. I would love to enjoy and just have a moment of not thinking-does that make sense? Having a blank mind and not focusing. But when I do, I just start to think about something else.

Eh.....maybe it's a spell, I just got the blues perhaps.

I LOVE YOU JASON DAVID KARNEY

it's my birthday today!

(boys in the girls room...)

I'm pretty much the biggest asshole ever. Please leave a message if you'd like to be added. This is a friends only journal.